Friday, April 16, 2010
The Zoo
I'm not sure whether this title is about our actual trips to the zoo, or whether its just a good title for life right now. Either way... a little about us right now.
Den is still looking for a job. Unfortunately, there are just no jobs. Fortunately, it's not him. He's doing a great job of being Mr. Mom and keeping the house and yard looking good. He's not perfect, and I don't think he'll be starting his own Merry Maids franchiase anytime soon, but it sure makes life easier for me! He's been spending lots of time with Mom and his brother, making up for lots of lost time with family while we were in Idaho. It's nice to be home...
Kate is doing well adjusting to upside down life. She's so amazingly flexible. She sometimes struggles with me being gone in the evenings three days a week, but she does okay with an occasional phone call to the hospital and visits to eat in the cafeteria with me sometimes. She loves having her daddy home. She's home from school and out the door to play with her friends for a few hours most evenings. She won't have homework until next year, so she makes the most of it! She's doing great with reading and loves spelling, which she is exceptionally good at. Although she really misses her friends back in Boise and Kuna, she is fitting in really well and loving her new school and friends.
I'm pushing through right now. Wish I could say it was easier than that, but right now, it's not. I'm working 3 pm to 3 am, which is much better than 7 to 7, but I don't see Kate very much, which stinks. I'm pretty tired all of the time and just waiting for a day shift to come up, which may take a few years. Patience is NOT my strong suite, and you probably know. I do love my job, which makes up a lot for the crappy hours. I've been getting my butt kicked by a massage therapist who tries to kill me twice a week lately. It's really helping my headaches, though, so I try not to complain while he attempts to separate my muscles from my bones. (Or so it feels...)
A few weekends back, Den went on a motorcycle trip with his uncles to Caldwell. While he had a blast obtaining a significantly sore rear end, I took Kate to Tacoma for a little visit with my Uncle Tim and Aunt Rita and a trip to Point Defiance Zoo. We had a great time together for the morning at least. Somehow, I scratched my cornea just before the zoo, and I didn't have glasses with me, so I cried my way home after a miserable afternoon at the zoo. Since the end of that trip was such a failure, we decided to take Kate out of school on Monday for a "family wellness day." (How's that for a truancy excuse?) Den went with us to Woodland Park Zoo, and we were even able to pick Grammy up on the way. (She was up in Seattle with Dad for a work conference he had). It was a wonderful, warm, sunny day in Seattle, and the zoo was great. It was so nice to spend a day with our family. We even got a few pictures of our relatives while we were up there... I'll post those next.
Hope this little post finds you well!
P.S. Posting pictures is just not working right now, so I'll try again later!
Den is still looking for a job. Unfortunately, there are just no jobs. Fortunately, it's not him. He's doing a great job of being Mr. Mom and keeping the house and yard looking good. He's not perfect, and I don't think he'll be starting his own Merry Maids franchiase anytime soon, but it sure makes life easier for me! He's been spending lots of time with Mom and his brother, making up for lots of lost time with family while we were in Idaho. It's nice to be home...
Kate is doing well adjusting to upside down life. She's so amazingly flexible. She sometimes struggles with me being gone in the evenings three days a week, but she does okay with an occasional phone call to the hospital and visits to eat in the cafeteria with me sometimes. She loves having her daddy home. She's home from school and out the door to play with her friends for a few hours most evenings. She won't have homework until next year, so she makes the most of it! She's doing great with reading and loves spelling, which she is exceptionally good at. Although she really misses her friends back in Boise and Kuna, she is fitting in really well and loving her new school and friends.
I'm pushing through right now. Wish I could say it was easier than that, but right now, it's not. I'm working 3 pm to 3 am, which is much better than 7 to 7, but I don't see Kate very much, which stinks. I'm pretty tired all of the time and just waiting for a day shift to come up, which may take a few years. Patience is NOT my strong suite, and you probably know. I do love my job, which makes up a lot for the crappy hours. I've been getting my butt kicked by a massage therapist who tries to kill me twice a week lately. It's really helping my headaches, though, so I try not to complain while he attempts to separate my muscles from my bones. (Or so it feels...)
A few weekends back, Den went on a motorcycle trip with his uncles to Caldwell. While he had a blast obtaining a significantly sore rear end, I took Kate to Tacoma for a little visit with my Uncle Tim and Aunt Rita and a trip to Point Defiance Zoo. We had a great time together for the morning at least. Somehow, I scratched my cornea just before the zoo, and I didn't have glasses with me, so I cried my way home after a miserable afternoon at the zoo. Since the end of that trip was such a failure, we decided to take Kate out of school on Monday for a "family wellness day." (How's that for a truancy excuse?) Den went with us to Woodland Park Zoo, and we were even able to pick Grammy up on the way. (She was up in Seattle with Dad for a work conference he had). It was a wonderful, warm, sunny day in Seattle, and the zoo was great. It was so nice to spend a day with our family. We even got a few pictures of our relatives while we were up there... I'll post those next.
Hope this little post finds you well!
P.S. Posting pictures is just not working right now, so I'll try again later!
Two AM Musings by Mandy
There should be a big sign when exiting the womb that reads, "Life is NOT fair!" Even the nicest children get picked on, car accidents happen, babies are sick, people die too young, you may work really hard and still become unemployed, kids run away from home, and sometimes your brain doesn't work and you can be sad no matter how much you have to be happy about.
Of course, babies couldn't read the sign even if it was there... but I wish there were some sort of warning. I'm occasionally angry that I am not one of the most talented, brilliant people in the world. I'd like to have two healthy girls living with their daddy and mommy in our cute little house. I would like our cute little house not to be falling apart. It'd be nice if Den could find a really good job close to home where he would feel productive, creative, and happy. I would love for our parents never to grow old and for Kate to never have her feelings hurt. It would be nice if my old friend's step-daughter hadn't run away several weeks ago and still not come home. I wish every baby was born healthy and happy.
A few weeks ago, we lost two babies suddenly at work in a really short time period. It broke my heart. It brought back a lot of memories for me watching those families grieve for their little ones. I've been really angry and frustrated at our lack of ability in the medical field to figure out why this happens. I've been tired of feeling sick and tired. In short, discouraged would describe me.
Until tonight, when God put a little miracle in my path and reminded me that He is in control, and I don't have to understand why life isn't fair. I simply have to trust that He is there, and He will fix it. Why, oh why, can't I just remember this???
When Jordan was with us, it was so easy to pray. We were so helpless to heal her, and the only choice we had was to pour out our pain and our fears to God. It was like having an open phone line to heaven all of the time. I prayed when I ate, when I bathed, when I slept, and when I held that little angel. I felt so close to God. Even after she died, I felt that way. Then life happened, and I gradually forgot that feeling.
Then those little punkins died at work, and I prayed so hard that I had that same experience of constant prayer. It was wonderful, but I felt so let down after both of them went to heaven despite my begging.
Then tonight a mommy comes into triage, and we can't find heart tones, not on Doppler or on ultrasound. She's already had a baby die in the past... I was feeling like this just cannot happen to her again. Just in case there was any life left in that little one, we do a stat c-section, and this precious little girl comes out with a heart rate. Still not breathing, but she has a heart rate. They were intubating her when I walked out of the room to run down to the lab with her cord blood. I prayed and prayed, as I know most of us up there were doing tonight, and when I walked back upstairs and into the OR suite, that baby's cry tore out of the room like voices from heaven. I have no explaination but that God just fixed her!
I don't know why some prayers are answered the way we want them to be and others aren't. It's not fair, and I guess we'd be weird if we didn't get frustrated with that sometimes. But tonight I know a couple of things... God hears me and does what He knows is best, even if I don't always agree. I will keep trying every day to feel that constant prayer, and when I don't feel it, I will remember who hung up and pick up the phone again. I will be faithful about my work schedule, Den's job hunt, and my health. I won't be discouraged, because the God I serve is a miraculous God!
I'll get on here soon and tell you about our recent trips to the zoos in Seattle and the other stuff going on in life. I'll post some pictures too. Thanks for listening to me :)
Of course, babies couldn't read the sign even if it was there... but I wish there were some sort of warning. I'm occasionally angry that I am not one of the most talented, brilliant people in the world. I'd like to have two healthy girls living with their daddy and mommy in our cute little house. I would like our cute little house not to be falling apart. It'd be nice if Den could find a really good job close to home where he would feel productive, creative, and happy. I would love for our parents never to grow old and for Kate to never have her feelings hurt. It would be nice if my old friend's step-daughter hadn't run away several weeks ago and still not come home. I wish every baby was born healthy and happy.
A few weeks ago, we lost two babies suddenly at work in a really short time period. It broke my heart. It brought back a lot of memories for me watching those families grieve for their little ones. I've been really angry and frustrated at our lack of ability in the medical field to figure out why this happens. I've been tired of feeling sick and tired. In short, discouraged would describe me.
Until tonight, when God put a little miracle in my path and reminded me that He is in control, and I don't have to understand why life isn't fair. I simply have to trust that He is there, and He will fix it. Why, oh why, can't I just remember this???
When Jordan was with us, it was so easy to pray. We were so helpless to heal her, and the only choice we had was to pour out our pain and our fears to God. It was like having an open phone line to heaven all of the time. I prayed when I ate, when I bathed, when I slept, and when I held that little angel. I felt so close to God. Even after she died, I felt that way. Then life happened, and I gradually forgot that feeling.
Then those little punkins died at work, and I prayed so hard that I had that same experience of constant prayer. It was wonderful, but I felt so let down after both of them went to heaven despite my begging.
Then tonight a mommy comes into triage, and we can't find heart tones, not on Doppler or on ultrasound. She's already had a baby die in the past... I was feeling like this just cannot happen to her again. Just in case there was any life left in that little one, we do a stat c-section, and this precious little girl comes out with a heart rate. Still not breathing, but she has a heart rate. They were intubating her when I walked out of the room to run down to the lab with her cord blood. I prayed and prayed, as I know most of us up there were doing tonight, and when I walked back upstairs and into the OR suite, that baby's cry tore out of the room like voices from heaven. I have no explaination but that God just fixed her!
I don't know why some prayers are answered the way we want them to be and others aren't. It's not fair, and I guess we'd be weird if we didn't get frustrated with that sometimes. But tonight I know a couple of things... God hears me and does what He knows is best, even if I don't always agree. I will keep trying every day to feel that constant prayer, and when I don't feel it, I will remember who hung up and pick up the phone again. I will be faithful about my work schedule, Den's job hunt, and my health. I won't be discouraged, because the God I serve is a miraculous God!
I'll get on here soon and tell you about our recent trips to the zoos in Seattle and the other stuff going on in life. I'll post some pictures too. Thanks for listening to me :)
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